Humor vs Self-control
- Humor
- “to see the humorous side of myself and the world”
- Self-control
- “to be disciplined in my own actions”
A joke forms in your head during a serious meeting. You could say it and loosen the room, or you could keep it in and stay on task. Later that night, you skip the walk you promised yourself. You could laugh at your own excuses, or you could hold yourself to the plan tomorrow. Small moments like these are where Humor and Self-control meet.
On Even Over’s map, Humor sits in an area about seeking pleasure and enjoyment for yourself, while Self-control sits on the opposite side, in an area about following rules, laws and formal duties.
Humor protects lightness. It lets you see that your mistakes are not the end of the world, and it keeps you from treating every rule as sacred. A good laugh can take the sting out of a hard day and help you start again. Self-control protects follow-through. It keeps the promises you make to yourself, even when nobody is watching and the moment does not feel like it.
What makes this pair tricky is that each can look like the other’s fix. Laughing at a slip can help you shrug off shame and get back on track. It can also become a way to let yourself off the hook again and again. Holding a firm line can build habits you are proud of. It can also turn stiff, so that you stop finding anything about yourself funny. The same joke can be relief one day and an excuse the next.
There is also timing. Humor often lives in the moment, in the line you say before you think twice. Self-control often lives in the pause before you act. You cannot always have both the quick joke and the careful pause.
When you fall short of a rule you set for yourself, what helps you more the next morning: being able to laugh at it, or knowing you will not let it slide?
What choosing one over the other tends to mean
Humor over Self-control
If you put Humor above Self-control, you let yourself say the joke, enjoy the treat, and laugh at your own lapses instead of scolding yourself. You stay light, and others may find you easy to be around. The cost is that some plans drift. A habit you meant to build can keep getting laughed off, and a quick line can land before you have checked who it might sting.
Self-control over Humor
If you put Self-control above Humor, you keep to your plans and hold your tongue when a joke might cost you. People can count on you, and you can count on yourself. The cost is some of the lightness. You may pass up moments of fun, take your slips harder than they deserve, and come across as more serious than you feel inside.
Where they collide
The joke in a tense meeting
A project is behind and the room is tense. A funny line comes to you that would break the mood. Saying it might help everyone breathe. It might also look like you are not taking the delay seriously. You have a second to decide whether to speak or let it pass.
Laughing off the missed walks
You planned to walk every morning this week and have skipped three days. Someone at home teases you about it. You can laugh along and let the week go, or decide that tomorrow you head out no matter what. Laughing keeps things light. Deciding keeps the plan alive.
One more round with friends
Your friends are having a great time and want to stay out later. You told yourself you would be home early to rest before a busy day. Staying means more laughs you will remember. Leaving means keeping the promise you made to yourself.
An example even-over principle
Self-control even over Humor. When I break a habit I set for myself, I will note it and restart the next day instead of joking it away. I accept that I may take myself more seriously than I like and miss some easy laughs.
One example of the format, not advice. In Even Over you write your own, for the pairs your choices show.